Relationship and pregnancy dating
One of the many reasons that I initially felt this was the right decision for me was that I wanted to relax a little when it came to the pursuit of romance.
Also, even though I’d gotten pregnant on my own terms, I didn’t want to close the door on love.
Sleep training her—what seemed like hours of “crying it out”—felt positively traumatic to endure alone. Strollers plus subways plus stairwells are no day at the beach, especially when you’re solo. Because this experience is just too powerful to go it alone. He’s supersweet about my daughter, though I’ve definitely met guys who can’t handle the kid thing. Being a mom has filled my life with so much love that I think finding someone magical might actually be easier now. Someone kind, someone generous and someone who knows that the most beautiful thing about me will always be her.
But then there were the truly euphoric moments, the ones I didn’t anticipate at all, where I loved her so much that it was almost terrifying.
Then, on October 3, one month before her due date, I met my greatest love of all time, Hazel Delilah Shelasky.
By now, I knew I was having a girl, and no daughter of mine would ever see me chase a jerk. I ended my yogi interview with as much Zen as possible, which was not much, then ran into the street, screaming. I didn’t add “pregnant” to my profile, because taken out of context it does raise a lot of questions (even I can admit that), and I didn’t want a guy creating the wrong narrative for me. After one sperm donor, two intrauterine inseminations and thousands of dollars paid to the NYU Fertility Center, I was pregnant. Maybe I’d meet a single father or a modern romantic like me. One night I logged on to Tinder, not for the first time (British Marcus had come and gone—he was cute but little else).I was in the middle of interviewing a popular yoga teacher for a magazine story when I saw my phone light up. Still, what he described as his “sense of betrayal” struck me as extreme. Without much time to explain, I asked the yogi to hold my hand. My mother reminded me, as she always does, that there’s a halo above me. When I explained that I used a sperm donor, they were comforted but confused. And to be fair, I’d waited until about 20 minutes in, because our banter seemed so fluid and fun.
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